Finally!

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January 31, 2011 by Mark B

First off, this video is pretty old, but the company have just announced that this beast is going on sale sometime this year. At which point I imagine humanity will give up on scientific progression altogether and just say, ‘Fuck it, flying cars. It’s all been worth it.’ As I’m sure we can all agree.

Unfortunately, you just feel like it might be a bit of a false dawn. First of all, at £160,000 the only people who’ll be buying one will be the only people you ever see in Lamborghinis or blacked out Range Rovers: fat, balding, middle-aged tossers and/or footballers.

Imagine the chaos! Whenever Wayne Rooney took to the skies there’d have to be a team of people directly below with a large net in case he forgot where he was and got out to get chips. Steven Gerrard would deliberately fly his car-plane into another one as hard as he could then claim he was playing the ball.

And given that whenever you see Lamborghinis parked it’s inevitably on double yellow lines or actually inside Waitrose, there’s very little chance that any of these machines would ever land at a proper airport. More likely you’d see them swooping down from the skies to cut people up at roundabouts, or attempting intricate landings directly through the windows of high end brothels. (There’s a crude joke about brothels and landing strips in there somewhere but I’ll leave it up to you to make it. Suggestions on a postcard.)

This would happen within minutes

Second, those wings look a bit flimsy don’t they? I’m not sure about you but if I was entrusting my life to two strips of metal I’d make damned sure they didn’t have a bloody great hinge in the middle of them with the specific intention of folding up. Perhaps the most telling safety feature on the Transition is the presence of a full-vehicle parachute, which whilst reassuring is hardly reassuring. “Yes, it’s definitely coming out of the sky at some point, but not as hard as you might think.”

Finally, it’s not a flying car, it’s a plane with folding wings and a steering wheel. It’s a car in the same way a chicken is a bird or a tomato is a fruit; on a technicality. If you drove it to Sainsbury’s people would think you’d gone wrong.

Of course, having said all that I’ve already started saving for one. As many people have inanely said, it’s every young boy’s dream to own a flying car. I never actually had that dream. I did once dream I played for England, which is every young boy’s dream, but then I also dreamt I got chased around a giant chessboard by the grim reaper. Repeatedly. Go figure.

What I’m trying to say is that while this is the best thing that’s ever happened ever, it isn’t the plasma-powered flying Chevy I imagined as a kid, and if I saw David Beckham in one I’d shit myself and run for cover.

Continue the research.

 

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