Stupid decision #732: Skydiving

As at least some of you will know, I’m not good with heights.

I’m really not good with heights. In fact I’m so poor with heights that I decided to stop growing at 5′ 10″ in case the ground got too far away. True story.

In any case, when asked if I wanted to take part in a charity skydive in October, the only legitimate answer I could have possibly given was “No”.

Instead, being the type of simpering fool who is only happy if he can raise a mild smile or at least avoid outright contempt from others, I uttered something along the lines of “Yeah, that sounds good.” Except in the voice of a meek 8 year old boy which made it clear to all concerned that it wasn’t in any way good. It was an awkward situation.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I’ve now signed up to jump out of a small aeroplane, strapped to another human being, on October 5th.

It’s going to go super well

The jump is in aid of the Brain Tumour Charity, who do great work in supporting research into brain tumours, raising awareness and providing support to those affected by brain tumours. A lot of people I know, my own family included, have been affected by brain tumours, and put simply they’re fucking horrible, so supporting these guys is definitely a worthy cause.

So basically, I’m asking for some of your hard-earned cash.

In exchange for your money, you can expect:

– A sense of satisfaction from helping people whose lives are affected, in many cases destroyed, by a horrendous illness

– To laugh maniacally as I weep like a tiny child in a metal tube, then possibly soil myself on a complete stranger before being hurled from a moving plane, screaming all the way to Earth, in all likelihood vomiting on the same stranger, then hanging limply like a dead goose, sobbing, on camera, as I float towards the ground.

– Public recognition on these pages for your generosity, including a made up fact that you never knew about yourself.

– A Twirl or Wispa*

I’m aiming to raise over £250 in a little under 4 weeks. If you can spare some cash towards this I’ll be eternally grateful. You can donate at my page here:

https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/iregretnothiiing

If I get to £1,000 I’ll let you dream up some kind of hilarious forfeit.

Go!

And thankyou…

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