Category Archives: Rants

  1. District Line gains sentience, turns feral

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    February 3, 2015 by Mark Burton


    In a terrifying turn of events, it has been confirmed that London’s least reliable Tube line has become a living …
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  2. “Thank you for travelling on the Central line”

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    September 16, 2014 by Mark Burton


    Eh? Did that actually happen? Right, status check: Am I still asleep? No. Am I drunk? No. Is the body …
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  3. Television out of ideas

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    September 1, 2014 by Mark Burton


    All viable ideas for television programmes have been used, broadcasters fear. The hour-long, recurring, behind-the-scenes documentary about how teams are …
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  4. Tossers replaced by arseholes in political earthquake

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    May 27, 2014 by Mark Burton


    UKIP leader Nigel Farage has declared a glorious new era in British politics after his shower of arseholes narrowly defeated …
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  5. All companies now entirely creepy

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    April 23, 2014 by Mark Burton


    It’s nice to be loved. A few weeks ago I got an email saying that somebody missed me very much. …
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  6. ‘Lib Dems not completely pointless’, lies Clegg

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    September 15, 2013 by Mark Burton


    As the Lib Dem party conference kicks off to almost no fanfare this week, ‘leader’ Nick Clegg has been on …
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  7. World vents anger at lack of lab-grown chips

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    August 5, 2013 by Mark Burton


    Scientists have today faced the wrath of the western world by announcing that they are yet to grow chips in …
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