Gah! Kill it!

With the news that scientists in the US (where else, seriously.) have created not one but THREE harbingers of death  ‘chimera monkeys’ which show no signs of dying any time soon, many of the world’s inhabitants have reacted entirely appropriately by grabbing the nearest pitchfork and flaming torch.

The beasts have been described as "extraordinarily evil" by their creators


Nobody would be surprised if they escaped and wreaked havoc upon the lab which made them, sporadically releasing grainy youtube videos of themselves feasting on the cleaners’ entrails whilst listening to Chris deBurgh and doing that weird wheezing laugh that all evil creatures do in the films.

You would have thought that somewhere along the line somebody in the scientific community would have said something along the lines of “No” or “Get out of here you psychopaths”, but apparently it’s now cool to build animals out of bits of other animals like giant furry Lego.

“Look, professor, I know your sceptical about the ethical and scientific implications of this type of thing, but I have two words for you: eagle panther.”

“Yes, I take cheques.”

I feel it would be wrong to write off the practice of monkey-making entirely, as I have just done, so I have prepared the following list of pros and cons so you can come to your own conclusions:


Zoos would be more interesting – “Mummy, I want to see the flying shark-lion”.

Nature would be more interesting – Flying shark lion. Proficient on land, sea and in the air. Death in three mediums. Your move, gazelle.

Dinner would be more interesting – Two words. Steak bacon. Mmm, steacon. That’s the kind of meat I’d tamper with the natural order of things for.


Inevitable destruction of the human race by intelligent, psychotic and unfathomably deadly Franken-pets – See above

It’s a crazy tough call.

Happy Sunday!