Jeremy Hunt “to be limited to 12 weeks”

It has been revealed today that everybody is strongly in favour of terminating chronic failure Jeremy Hunt in no more than 12 weeks.

In an interview with the Times, the comedy MP announced, completely unprompted, that he would be in favour of reducing abortion limits from the current limit of 24 weeks to 12 weeks, based on what he claimed was “a hunch”.

“Here’s my evidence”

Exasperated medical expert and rational human being Dr Alice Benning responded with surprise:

“This clown again? Seriously? This is the man whose personal view thought that Rupert Murdoch and his chums were a fine bunch of fellows to be running the British media; his opinion is not valid at the best of times.

“He reckons that after studying the ‘evidence’ he’s come to the conclusion that abortion limits should be drastically cut. One: What evidence? He’s probably going to say it’s the Bible, isn’t he? Two: What gives this prick any right whatsoever to think that he, or any other politician for that matter, can make decisions which govern what women do with their own bodies? Three: Who made this absolute buffoon health secretary?!”

David Cameron, the man who made this absolute buffoon health secretary, was quick to defend the constant disappointment he’s put in charge of the NHS:

“It’s an issue of conscience, and he is absolutely entitled to hold an individual view”, said the PM with an absolutely straight face, before adding “it’s not like he has the power to act on it anyway, what department is he in now?…..SHIT.”

Thankfully, it was later announced that some people had studied some evidence and come to the conclusion that Mr Hunt’s own limit on being in a position of any responsibility should be, at most, 12 weeks, and that they “just felt that that’s the point where political careers end.”

Here’s hoping.