Lies are the new truth, say various powerful people

The difference between telling the truth and telling an outright lie is much less clear-cut than once presumed, it has been claimed.

Whereas previously one would make a blatantly false statement and somebody else would turn round and say ‘That is a lie’, and one would have to accept that it was a lie, possibly resulting in a lengthened nose, the new trend is to simply repeat lies loudly and often in the hope that everybody will just give up arguing and say ‘Fine, it isn’t a lie’.

Way ahead of his time.

Way ahead of his time.

Politicians, who count amongst their ranks some of the premier trailblazers of the ‘true lie’ movement, have offered out a couple of excellent examples today.

First, Iain-Duncan Smith, the man who just doesn’t know when he should stop trying to do this whole politics lark, declared with a completely straight face that he could certainly live on the £53 a week that his genius welfare reforms will force some in this country to live on.


This is a good example of the true lie technique know as ‘complete-yet-tough-to-definitively-prove horseshit’- it helps defend a set of actions which are completely indefensible by making a ridiculous claim which the claimant knows he/she will never be called out on.

To call Iain-Duncan Smith out on this, sign the petition here.

The second, more advanced technique, known as ‘bastardly subterfuge’, was wheeled out by Tory party chairman Grant Shapps after he was asked to defend the bedroom tax. After failing to defend the tax on the grounds of it being thought up by particularly myopic morons, he tried to claim that his kids shared a room, which was surprising because it didn’t have any relevance to the subject under discussion. Then another person showed this to be a demonstrable lie, and then Shapps changed the subject by pointing out that his defence of the bedroom tax by claiming his kids shared a room didn’t have any relevance to the subject under discussion.

Most people then seemed to agree.

To summarise – be asked a question you don’t want to answer, evade it with a lie, wait for the lie to be called out, then point out that the lie was an evasion of the original question. Then sit back and watch as everyone forgets the original question.

That, my friends, is the pinnacle of lying. Hats off to you Grant Shapps, you terrible, cunning bastard.

The final manoeuvre was a somewhat less skilled affair emanating from the world of football. Deploying what is known in the trade as the ‘half Stalin’ tactic, Sunderland Football Club stated (of their new boss Paolo Di Canio):

“To accuse him now, as some have done, of being a racist or having fascist sympathies is insulting not only to him but to the integrity of this football club”

Despite Di Canio saying in an interview that he was a fascist. Despite this being on record. Despite receiving bans and fines for giving fascist salutes during football matches.

This is similar in theory and efficacy to walking into a police station with a friend, announcing that you are going to stab your friend, stabbing your friend, then denying that you stabbed your friend. Sadly, however, everyone will probably just forget about it by tomorrow.

So there you have it. Lies are now as good as truth and total bastards rule the Earth.